A few weeks ago I decided I needed a break. Cancelled everything, turned off my phone and took the first available plane to Berlin. And boy, did I need it. Lately there's been so much drama going on, from buying the house to people who should support me in buying a house turning their backs on me. Also, and I do not admit this gladly, my job is driving me crazy. Not my job and not the kids, how I love the kids. But the insecurity that comes along with it. Not knowing whether or not I'll have a job next week (while writing this) is killing me. My contract is monthly. So every last week of the term, I freak out and go into complete panic mode. But it's more than that. I don't even know if I'll have a job next school year, or what courses I'll be teaching or where I'll be teaching those courses. A little bit more security for young teachers really wouldn't hurt anyone. And also, whoever said that by growing older all the parental drama would solve itself should hit him/herself in the face, hard, with a baseball bat. It doesn't get better. In fact, it got more complicated, if that was possible somehow. All this took me to a point where I felt like I could start crying in the middle of a store when my favourite chips weren't in stock. Oh wait, that did happen. So, Berlin it was.
First time I visited this city was back in 2013 when I failed my thesis and I felt my whole word crumble underneath my feet. I came unprepared but the city took me in nonetheless. I fell in love with its flow and sometimes I do feel like just grabbing my bags and move. Whenever I'm in Berlin, I never feel like I don't fit in. Everyone is so accepting. And yes, even at 26, these are still the things that keep me up at night. Sounds silly right? But try living in Kortrijk, the most judgmental city of them all. If you're not a rich kid who got everything just by being born in the right family, you'll probably won't be making friends anytime soon. Or at least that's what my heart tells me about Kortrijk. Therefore returning from Berlin, or even Ghent, always hits me with a feeling of utter loneliness. Berlin soaks me up and puts me back out there. Knowing that I matter, knowing that writing this shit matters, that fighting for the causes I fight for, matters. Therefore, thank you Berlin.
So, no food posts this time or places you definitely should visit (because everything in Berlin is worth visiting), just some snapshots I took with my phone. Because while I was in Berlin, I did go for a book hunt, drank too much coffee and ate the best kimchi around, with pink tofu. If there's one thing I've learned from this trip however, it's the fact that when my mind (and my body) tells me that I need to hit the brakes, I must hit them hard before needing to resort to the emergency brake. Take some time for me from time to time. Put myself first, no matter how selfish that may sound. So excuse me if your drama can't play with my drama for a while.
Thanks for still posting things here, Elien. I really enjoy them. Wish you the best!ReplyDelete